confessions of an x-introvert

part II

courtneyruthwerner — Mon, 28 May 2012 23:32:28 +0000

new season.

goodbye king st

courtneyruthwerner — Sun, 27 May 2012 19:32:01 +0000

*The following post is my way of saying goodbye to a past season in order to embrace the one that I am currently in. With this in mind, some of this might not be of interest to you. Nonetheless, I am using this blog to document my thoughts and organize some of the memories*

Its hard to say goodbye to a place that was the setting for many fond memories. Sometimes, it gets confusing. Did the place make up the story, or did the stories make up the place? I know the answer, but leaving a place that was a big part of the story is hard. You see, I lived in a precious house for two years with some amazing people. My life was forever changed in that house, or was it merely the season that I resided there? Like I said, it’s hard to distinguish at times.
The house is soon to be no longer, rented out to strangers. The memories and friendships, however, live on… with new houses in new places and new friends in new spaces to be discovered.

When I realized that I was moving on to California, over a year ago, I wrote a little song. It is, in a way, a tribute to the girls that lived in the house and the memories that were formed.

I also wrote a little poem/ story about some of the girls that occupied the house (the 2nd year that I lived there).

A few days ago, my friends had a little going away party in Austin. I wasn’t able to attend, but on the FB invite I rediscovered old blog posts and a documentary of sorts about the King St community. It was neat to remember… to taste and see that the Lord is good and has even greater things ahead.

Maybe the following photos won’t make much sense to you, but these people make up King St… a season filled with world changers. All in all, King street is not a place. It was a beautiful season of my life that birthed much fruit. The season has now shifted, but the memories, and many of the friendships, remain…

another blog post about king st if you are interested:

http://www.intentionalgatherings.com/blog/events/past/scpx-austin/

*cheers to a new season*

dreams

courtneyruthwerner — Mon, 14 May 2012 03:42:11 +0000

I can rest. Take a moment of silence. Breathe.The dreams that have been placed inside of me will come to pass. So I can simply be and continue to dream. ~~Sometimes~~ often, a glimpse into heaven is just beyond the closed eyelids of a rested and peaceful heart.

“One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.” – Psalm 27:4

Save the Ten

courtneyruthwerner — Thu, 03 May 2012 15:37:59 +0000

This upcoming August, fifteen of us, from San Diego, will be heading over to Mombasa, Kenya to open a rehabilitation home for girls rescued out of human trafficking. We are partnering with Unlikely Heroes, a non-profit that recently built a home for ten girls in the Philippines, to raise money for a second home in Kenya ($50,000).

A little background information on Mombasa:
Mombasa lies on the shores of the Indian Ocean and is Kenya’s second largest city. Because of its beauty, Mombasa hosts many tourists who enjoy its beaches. Sadly, many of these visitors also exploit children who are forced into child sex slavery.

The Rehabilitation Home:
The home in Kenya will provide more than food and shelter; it provides comprehensive restoration and rehabilitation so that the victims can receive emotional and psychological healing as well. For many of these girls, this will be their first time ever experiencing stability and care.

How you can get involved:

1. You can make buy a handmade necklace (100% of the proceeds go towards the rehabilitation home. The front of the necklace says just change and the back says free the ten)

The necklaces are a suggested donation of $18. The goal behind the necklace is to not only raise support for the home in Kenya, but raise awareness to human trafficking. If you would like to purchase a necklace, please email me for more details: courtney@thewerners.org

2. You can also help us save the 10 by donating online: https://kingdomstrate.webconnex.com/overseas

3. You can help by spreading the word and praying. We are aware that we can’t do this on our own. It is nice to know that we have a BIG God backing us. :)

To find out more about the Free The Ten campaign, email me. Courtney@thewerners.org

resident

courtneyruthwerner — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 07:10:53 +0000

I am now a California res·i·dent:

1. One who resides in a particular place permanently or for an extended period.

2. A physician receiving specialized clinical training in a hospital, usually after completing an internship.

3. A nonmigratory bird or other animal.

I am residing in California for an extended and unforeseen amount of time. I am on the verge of completing an internship and am now, in a way, receiving real life training. Hmmm. Regarding the third explanation… I sometimes feel like a bird*. Maybe this is all a bunch of odd ramblings. Then again, maybe it isn’t…

I am realizing that I am entering a new season. This whole residency thing, the process of it all, has catapulted me, once again, into the unfamiliar. This time, however, I view transitions more favorably. I think this is because I have been learning how to embrace the process. I was recently reminded that life, in its fullness, is a process. With this in mind, I want to enjoy and fully engage in each moment. {deep and satisfactory breath of air}

Cheers to life… and every single moment of the process.

Love,

a Calitexan

*I sometimes feel like a bird, because I love to travel. More recently, however, I have felt like a bird because I have this strong desire to begin “nesting.” I don’t just want to survive in California, I want to thrive. Part of this includes my outlook on living arrangements. You see, I don’t just want to live in a house, I want to live in a home. In return, I keep having creative urges to decorate. I desire the space in which I live to inspire creativity, both in myself and in others.

Oh Happy Day… it is a guest blogger with an AWESOME story.

courtneyruthwerner — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 01:25:41 +0000

My amazing guest blogger is my dear friend, Jen Alfred. I met Jen last semester and have loved watching God pursue her heart. It was such a neat thing to witness. Jen is truly an amazing human and friend. I am honored to be part of her life and am excited to see the many places that she will go. The Holy Spirit and Jen are a powerful and dynamic duo. {big smile}.

Without further ado, please enjoy Jen’s story:

I was Baptized on March 11, 2012. It was a sunny and beautiful day. Although the water had a cold sting, it was extremely refreshing to run into La Jolla Shores holding Courtney’s hand. It was amazing to have my family present and Origins, who are such an encouraging and amazing group of people, cheering on from the shore. However, others in my life didn’t completely understand why I wanted to be Baptized especially since I had just started talking about God a few months before. I have to admit, I still don’t know as much as I would like to about the Holy Spirit and scripture as I would like, but I am learning more every day.

Although I had just encountered Jesus in November of 2011, I felt I was ready to be baptized. Leading up to and especially after the New Year, I felt like my life had taken a drastic positive turn. Nothing had outwardly changed. Same school, same room mates, same body shape, same unclear skin! What changed was that I learned to embrace all of my physical and personality traits and what made me ME! What changed is that I learned how to love.

I had always wanted to be someone else. I was stuck living by the standards of others and often felt torn in many directions even when making the smallest of decisions. How is this going to affect them, what will they think, will this make everyone the happiest, could someone else do this better? These were all thoughts that I faced; most of the time subconsciously.

During one of my first encounters with Jesus while worshipping during prayer rumble was an image of my version of heaven. Then I got a flash of what I perceived would be my mom’s version of heaven. It really made me see that everyone has different desires and needs. God created us all differently for a reason. He wanted us to embrace what makes us different. I stopped living by others standards and started doing what was most beneficial for myself. If I feel like working out instead of going to a party, I do it! If I want to spend free time reading the bible or anything else, I do it! Baptism was washing away the need to meet others expectations. I only need to live by my own and God’s standards!

Baptism for me was also letting go of what can’t be changed with the past. My dad left when I was 3 and was in and out of my life until I was around 12. I always blamed him for things that weren’t perfect in my life. But during prayer rumble a strong encounter with Jesus took me by surprise and allowed me to forgive. Jesus let me see that he was struggling with his own problems of alcoholism and self-doubt. Now I hope for the best for him out there. I hope that the Holy Spirit is taking care of him.

When I met Courtney in September of 2011 at the beginning of my Sophomore year, (I was sitting on the steps of Café V smoking a cigarette and she was walking around talking about Origins) I was disillusioned toward life. It wasn’t that I wanted to die but it wouldn’t be bad if it was brought on earlier. I would wake up thinking it was just another day. Since I have encountered Jesus, every area of my life has been transformed. I have found major mental, spiritual and physical strength. I don’t smoke anymore because I want to experience as many wonderful things God has in store as possible. Like writing a book, visiting every continent, building houses in a third world country, learning to fly a plane; these are only some aspirations I have. I need to take advantage of the healthy body God gave me!

Courtney was my mentor in leading me to Jesus. She did this by being a great friend and amazing listener. God’s presence radiates from her at all times. Each time I would hang out with her I would feel amazingly uplifted afterward. She gave me the tools to encounter Jesus and helped to change my life forever. I have always had God in me but without her I would have never been able to let Him take me in such an awesome direction. It was then that I realized that Jesus had been guiding me all along the way. Even though I did not believe in him, he had been leading me to what was right for me all along. Being baptized was like throwing a party in celebration for how much he has done for me! He is great!

Baptism was washing away all of the self-doubt and resentment that I had harbored and being covered instead in God’s love. The Beatles had it right all along: ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE!

If you want to see Jen getting baptized in the Ocean, click the following link (I love Baptisms… yay): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMdOIihC4KA

Hope you were encouraged by Jen’s personal testimony. I figured that it would be much better coming from her than from me, so I asked her if she would mind being a guest blogger and she kindly obliged to recount her story. It is such a powerful and beautiful story worth being shared! Yay God!

job

courtneyruthwerner — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 18:07:21 +0000

I got a job… and I am kind of freaking out about it. I mean, it is hard to find a job here in San Diego and I found one without searching. Remember the blog post that I wrote about Opportunity Road? Well, I am going to be working at Pangea (the Taiwanese bakery that I stumbled upon last semester).

I don’t really need a job, but I want to work at Pangea. I love being there, I love the people, I love the atmosphere, and I feel like working there in a divine setup for something wonderful. I have always wanted to be a barista and now I’m beginning to live that dream out.

I feel extremely privleged to be working at Pangea for many reasons:
1. I don’t know Mandarin or Taiwanese
2. I am the only non-asian that is going to be working
3. Pangea was not even hiring when I asked if I could work there
4. I don’t have any previous experience in a bakery or coffee shop

I can honestly say that my new job is the result of the favor of God. There is NO other way to describe it. Not only do I get to work at Pangea, I get to play the piano during my free time and I get to learn some Mandarin from my friend, Julie.

God is so kind to me. His goodness blows me away. I am excited to see where this “Road of Opportunity” leads…

worship

courtneyruthwerner — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 16:44:35 +0000

A few weeks ago, I was longing to be in God’s presence and found myself picking up a paint brush. Later that night, I wondered why I had “wasted time” painting instead of reading my Bible or worshiping God in the typical sense. In response, God began to talk to me about worship. He showed me that, with paint brush in hand, I had spent quality time in His presence. I was worshiping God through my creative interpretation of His face. Anyway, this whole exchange got me thinking more about worship and its many outlets. I desire to explore these outlets more thoroughly, because I am finding more and more that singing songs does not allow all of my praise to come out! I am not sure if you feel the same way, but if you do, I encourage you to explore new ways to worship the King of Glory! Let your worship out! Paint. Dance. Sing. Compose. Write. Capture. Create. Play. Design.

New Painting- sounds of heaven

courtneyruthwerner — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 17:11:44 +0000

 
The past few weeks I have seen a picture of an ear when I close my eyes. This may sound strange to you, but I am pretty certain that I keep seeing an ear because God is about to open a deaf ear. I have been keeping my eyes open for hearing aides and such, but I haven’t seen anyone to pray for (now you probably think I am really strange). About a week ago, I decided to paint what I was seeing. At first, all I had was the ear. Last night, however, I sat down and finished the painting.
The ear is a bit disproportionate to the head, because it is the focal point of the watercolor painting. There are music notes flowing into the ear because, when deaf ears open, the individual will hear music for the first time. The rainbow flowing from the left side of the painting represents a promise. In this painting, the promise is that the deaf will hear (both physical and spiritual).
“…The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor.” - Matthew 11:5
The dandelion represents the Good News going throughout the world. The greatest miracle of all is salvation- a life transformed by the Truth of the gospel!
The painting has the following quote written throughout it, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”- Howard Thurman
When people hear the Truth, the Truth will set them free to dream and live out those dreams. Nothing is impossible with God.
Right now, I pray for anyone reading this with deaf ears (spiritual or physical). I speak to the ears and say, “open in the name of Jesus.” For the spiritually deaf, I declare that you can hear the Truth. For the physically deaf, I declare that you will be able to sing new songs of praise unto the Lord! Amen.

enjoying every step of the journey

courtneyruthwerner — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 17:11:10 +0000

My clothes are dry. I turned the dryer on again just to be sure. It is cold outside and I am in my prayer room, which just so happens to be the laundry room. I suppose, if I am to be completely honest, this is the real reason that I turned the dryer on again. *chuckle*

There is a globe on the laundry room shelf, which is right above the laundry detergent. I also hung some butterflies from the ceiling to make the laundry room more inviting. I am under the opinion that butterflies make everything more lively. ~~Sometimes~~ Often, I approach life like a kid and it comes out in a few of my interior decorating choices. Enough about that. I would like to share with you something that I have been learning.

Lately I have been learning about the importance of embracing the process. Like most kids, I look forward to being “grown up.” I have heard many wonderful things about the future and feel ready to be there, but I am in the present.

Life isn’t just about the finish line, it is about the journey. Thus, after a friendly reminder, from a dear spiritual mother of mine, I have decided to embrace every step of the journey. This is what success looks like. It looks like recognizing the gift in front of you and doing it with your whole heart. Right now, for me, embracing the process looks like sitting in my laundry room to spend quality time with God, because I have lots of time at my disposal. It also looks like being intentional with the people that are around me, investing in the internship that I am apart of, and folding the freshly warmed pile of laundry that is now getting cold beneath me. What has God placed in front of you?

In this season of my life, I have lots of free time and I want to use it well. I want to enjoy the time that I get to spend with God and let it leak out onto others. I don’t want to miss out on one step of the journey. It would be like getting married without having any recollection of the past. It would be a shame to marry a stranger. I want to have a rich history in God that exemplifies psalm 27:4, and I want my life to inspire others to do the same. I want to know and love God.

A few days ago, I was dreaming. I was imagining myself in some far off country doing some crazy things for Jesus. I was imagining the most audacious miracles and unbelievable testimonies that I could think of. I am still dreaming those dreams but I am realizing that, in the end, I don’t want those crazy things without the one I love standing beside me. I want to know Jesus and be passionate about Him. This dream I can take with me in every season of my life. It will never get old and it will always leave me feeling fresh and very much alive. His presence leaves me breathless. It is what we were made for. We were made to live under His smile and in His most glorious presence.

I recently listened to a wonderful sermon, by Banning Liebscher, about embracing the process. In this sermon he says something simple yet profound, “You can thrive, instead of just survive, in a season when you just say okay to God and embrace the process.“

Some things in life can’t be rushed. A razor-burn free shave is one of them. Our history with God is another. So, I don’t know about you, but I am going to embrace the process and live fully in the season that God has me in today. It is not up to us to decide what we learn in each season. After all, we are the student, not the teacher. So I am handing over the reigns and fully accepting the challenges that are given to me in this season. I am saying okay to God. I would like to learn the first time around by being fully engaged in what the teacher is saying and doing. You?

Yes, there are incredible things ahead, but this is true for the present as well. I encourage you to embrace what is in front of you and thrive in the process.